Will I, or Won't I?

My addictions are commonly accepted: food, sugar, over-doing hobbies, internet research, ebay shopping (but not overspending), facebooking. They are addictions nonetheless. As I embark once again on the journey to freedom from them, I am reminded this morning that the freedom " from" is also a freedom "to" all of the wonderful aspects of a full relationship with Christ in which I am able to soar into the realm of being all that He created me to be.

Sounds wonderful, and it will be. However, I touched on the fact, in a previous post, that life without my addictions will be scary at first. The second phase is loneliness. These "friends" have held my hands through so many harsh realities of life, the worst of which was my miscarriage. They have numbed me to the effects of failure, real and perceived, and to feelings of abandonment and loss that overwhelm me when relationships falter or go away. They have been there for me. They have also smothered the life out of my life.

Yesterday, as I worked to peek my way out from under them, I was reminded for the millionth time that walking the tightrope of life without the net of my addictions ushers in something else: the whole flood of emotions and issues that the addictions were numbing come roaring back. They must be dealt with, or back into the addictions I'll go. At times I have thrown my resolve STRAIGHT up into the air and run pell mell back into the circus of my addictions. Other times, I have held a mask of prayer and piety in one hand while edging backwards into the mire. I backed my way into them so slowly, I tried not to notice myself!

This whole struggle is about whether or not I will surrender my life to Jesus. Will I lay it down for the Lord's use? Will I eagerly seek to hear the Holy Spirit and follow Him? It's really that simple. Each time a complicated emotion surges to the surface, I can CHOOSE whether or not to go to God in prayer for healing and direction.

The Birds Sang...and the Saw Grated...and I Was Glad!

I took a short nap just now. Upon awakening, I asked God to show me that He loves me. After all, most of my addiction/freedom work is a slow slag through the mud of self-recrimination (can I get an "Amen" here). I'm now ensconced on my back deck, listening to the birds, watching the sunlight filter through the willow birch and crepe myrtle trees, and taking in the grating sounds of some sort of carpentry work one street over.

I laughed when I pulled up my deck chair...chuckling that, instead of the full-on glory of nature, I would be treated to that infernal saw noise. Pretty quickly, though, I thought about what a gift work is. What a gift! How wonderful to hold a tool in your hand and to know, at day's end, that ya did something profitable in some way. Just one more of God's blessings. What a gift to hold a computer in your lap and to write something that encourages someone. What a gift to swing a broom and treat someone to a clean house at the end of their school or work day. What a gift to work very hard all day and to then, at days end, rest very contentedly.

I want to come out of the half-light of addiction-hobbled living and take whatever days I have left, wringing them dry of their juicy joy, angst, or whatever they bring! I want to leave each day exhausted of any and all opportunities to serve God, enjoy Him, and learn from and experience the world around me. I have been very blessed my whole life. I do not expect that to change!

Today I choose to live. I made a promise to myself last night. When thoughts of regret come, I will dismiss them without a conversation. If the regret is coupled with a dilemma that past action or inaction has created, I will look at it as a challenge for God to help me solve, an opportunity to watch His creative care at work, and to be a part of it. If the regret involves something I cannot change, I will focus my mind on one of the millions of good things God has provided for me to think about! There is so much good to focus on! With Jesus in my life, there always will be.

Problems shall henceforth be challenges to be approached creatively!

What Will Life Be Like?

What will life be like without my many addictions (food, especially sugar, facebook, internet surfing, craft supply hoarding, certain types of crafts, ebay shopping)? It will be terrifying. At first. What will it be like a few days in? Lonely. My addictions are like friends who hold my hands, shielding me right and left from negative emotions. Like WELL MEANING friends who, ultimately, shield me from really living. They form a barrier to my true calling (writing). They stop me from enjoying friends, barring the door to my home, convincing me that they offer all of the comfort and fulfillment of a roomful of human companions. They shout at me from all corners to ignore the lure of career fulfillment. After all, they'll NEVER reject me. "Don't run the risk!" They scream at all hours. "We come risk-free! You know us. You know we would never hurt you! Keep your mind on us. We are guaranteed to please. We won't fail you."

But they HAVE hurt me. They have damaged my physical and emotional health. They have stunted my development as a human being. They have robbed me of something as basic as sunshine on a beautiful day as I feverishly serve their demands. I want to be free.

I want a new addiction: following the leading of the Holy Spirit. Working hard to achieve the priorities He sets for me. Letting my hobbies fall to the fringes of my world. They won't go away. I'll enjoy them even more in the proper perspective. I am going to search the scriptures for the tools I need to be free. Tune in tomorrow!

A Consolidation....For Now!

I have decided to take a break from social media. Clear my head. Maybe never go back. Since my blogs will have fewer readers as a result, I thought I would consolidate them under my "Surviving Midlife Miscarriage" blog. After all, my miscarriage at the age of 42 was a watershed moment in my life. God's matchless grace and abundant love carried me through and changed my perspective on hardship. It was a turning point. Expect to see the same type of entries over there that you have become accustomed to; i.e., a sometimes rambling, always transparent account of my human failings  met with God's grace and his "unfailing love" as King David so eloquently described it in the Psalms.

I won't be doing the daily updates on my successes or failures...I'll just talk about God's great mercy and His amazing love showered on this lowly suburban housewife. Never ceases to amaze me.

Thank you for bearing with me. Love you all!

Let Jesus Carry You Across the Finish Line Today

Good morning, saints! Love to you all. God's way (to life, wholeness, joy and peace) works. It really does!!!! Don't give up. Don't give in. Take a deep breath, get on your knees, and ask Him for strength to make this day victorious. You cannot do it without Him.

Whatever sin strongholds you are facing, Jesus smashed them at the cross. Read Romans 8 in its entirety. You will become convinced.

Here are some choice verses from Romans 8: (1-2, NLT) "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." (6-9) "So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God's laws and it never will. That's why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)" (Emphasis mine.)

Wash your mind daily in the scriptures so that they are always floating around in your spirit, ready for the Holy Spirit's use in your life. When you are weak, go to the Rock! Jesus is always strong, and He will carry you.

I stayed within my calorie and fat gram limits yesterday. I had not planned to exercise. Though my "to-do" list was upended by a meeting and by my desire to get out of the house, it was a productive day. I made a crockpot of chili, cross-stitched for an hour-and-a-half, straightened the house, did a load of laundry, bought supplies to launch a new hobby (punch needle embroidery) and attended a meeting about college preparatory information at Matt's high school. Jesus was with me every step of the way. Oh, and how could I forget? I blogged!

 

A Week of Progress

Last week shaped up to be a gorgeous start to my new initiative to hand over several sin strongholds to Jesus. As I go, I am reminding myself that abiding in Christ and drinking in His presence is the ticket. Oh, and prayer. LOTS of prayer.

It was so hard to smell the sausage balls I made for Jonathan and not eat them...even more so to watch my husband help himself to my chicken casserole with butter crumb topping and not fall headfirst into the casserole dish and eat my way out in a most unladylike fashion. But I prevailed!

If you are reading this blog for the first time, you have probably picked up on the fact that overeating is one of the strongholds I am battling. I will be victorious, with God's help. Last week I was 100% successful at not topping my max calorie and saturated fat gram limits. However, this battle has not reached my heart yet. What I mean is that I am consuming most of my calories in the first part of the  day, which is good for weight loss short-term, but signals that I still crave the act of eating.  Additionally, I am not yet choosing foods that pack the best punch nutritionally. My heart is still with breads and sugar.

I exercised four out of the five days I was shooting for last week. Not bad. Have to tell you, though, that Saturday night when I popped the workout dvd in the player, I was thinking of you all and my accountability to you alone. I know I cannot tell you that God's way works, if, well, I'm not letting it work for me. At some point I pray that I will feel more emotionally connected to the idea of keeping the temple of the Holy Spirit well and strong.

Poor time management is the second stronghold I am documenting a victory over in this blog. Friday I accomplished everything I was planning to do except exercise. Saturday I accomplished everything on my list.  I am making strides.

Staying connected to the vine (Jesus) is going to get me free of the bonds of laziness, procrastination, and gluttony. I will be filled with joy as I experience greater freedom from these bonds. Again, perfection is not the goal (it is not possible anyway). The goal is to become closer to Christ and to enjoy freedom from habitual sins that quench the work of the Holy Spirit in and through me.

Have a wonderful week!

God is Working in Me....and in You!

Good morning saints of God! Don't feel worthy of the moniker "saint"? Well, that is what you are, thanks to the blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross FOR YOU. So, let's try that again. GOOD MORNING SAINTS OF GOD! Did you claim your title that time? I hope so.

I started this blog to prove to myself and others that God's way to freedom from spiritual strongholds of sin really does work. This is not about perfection, but freedom from chains of habitual, ingrained sins that have robbed us of our joy, our witness, and, in short, our vitality in Christ.

It is a new day. I am turning a LONG list of strongholds over to Jesus, but I am only documenting health habits and time management here. I stayed within my calorie and fat gram limits yesterday, did my power walk and got four of the five things I had planned done. I hit at least 75% completion on the fifth item.

What is God's way to freedom? It is to turn your entire life over to Him and to commit yourself to seeking His will and doing it. Along the way, you have to lean on Him for strength to stay the course. I have said many times in my life "the Holy Spirit does the heavy lifting." He has to. We are powerless over sin in our own strength.

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that  leads to death." Romans 8:1-2 (New Living Translation, Second Edition, Tyndale House Publishers, 2007)